The essence of the above assessment was to examine how cultural upbringing impacts instruction. However, this was written in early 2019, when we were in a completely different time. This was well before the pandemic, social uprisings and many other unprecedented events that completely transformed the way I think today. The last few years have given me valuable experience and insight into the need to constantly probe how my identity could be impacting my instruction, as well as to develop culturally relevant teaching strategies that provide multiple opportunities for my students to use their cultural experiences as a catalyst for success.

As I contemplate on my statements above, several things stick out to me. Most notably, the lack of exploration into how being white inherently affects my instruction and relationships. No amount of love and passion for equitable early childhood education will lead me to a comprehensive understanding of what my children have and will experience. On page 3, I explain how losing my brother as a child ultimately led me to a career in education. While this is unquestionably true, I cannot compare this negligent trauma to the multifaceted traumas of systemic oppression. Nor can I assume that my children will respond to death or other adverse childhood experiences in similar or predictable ways. Culture influences how people respond to life's many surprises. Failing to acknowledge that could result in toxic classroom culture. As I continue on my journey of becoming a truly transformational teacher, I pledge to facilitate meaningful relationships that expand my perspectives and incorporate the vast cultural strengths of all my students.

While I have done many IAT tests before, after examining Assessment A (above), I wanted to repeat the exercise in order to measure current unconscious bias and note how the experience made me feel. My results indicate I have no automatic preference between Black and white people, which is great. However, because of both human nature and some behaviors I noted while completing the test, I recognize that there is still unconscious bias present. First and foremost, I found myself whispering what I saw in the pictures and then pressing the keys for good or bad, rather than simply going through the motions. I also noticed how my own feelings based off the the political climate made it easier to attach the word bad with white people, and I felt very uneasy doing that portion when it pertained to Black people as "bad". However, this made me realize just how impactful our current culture is. It is more important now than ever to always analyze your thoughts and perceptions before speaking and doing. For me, it is vital that I act with integrity and remember to put my ego aside. While I must use my voice to advocate for change, I must also use my ears to listen.

As a part of my professional development at my previous school, we completed several trainings that dove into how we as teachers can dismantle systems of oppression, as well as how historical crimes, such as colonialism and enslavement, have yielded the inequity we still see today. On our first training, I remember looking at photos and reading excerpts that I could hardly stomach. After writing down how this activity made us feel, the presenter noted that this level of disgust is based on sympathy rather than empathy due to the fact that those pictures do not represent my reality. This is a statement I still think about daily. There was also a moment where he asked us to share a shocking fact we had learned from training and I mentioned how sickened I was that a marriage clerk in Louisiana had denied an interracial marriage as recently as 2009. He asked me to reconsider why that shocked me and urged me to notice that this discrimination stuck out simply because that could have happened to me. These revealing experiences forced me to recognize that being a good person does not make someone a good teacher. It is imperative that we continue to learn and re-learn our history, as well as constantly dissect and improve ourselves.

Research and Notes From Overcoming Racism (2018-2020)